The idea that open dialogue is the key to transformative politics sounds straightforward. However, in a polity such as Northern Ireland where deep discord has intricate roots, an openness to difference is complex. I argue that dialogical spaces are created when people are prepared to engage in a risk-taking that conjoins self-disclosure with the vulnerability of being truly open to others; and are willing to bear the responsibility of mutually speaking with and listening to the plural other. First, I explain the relationship between identity, difference and political participation of women in Northern Ireland, examining alliance politics and solidarity. I offer suggestions for how difference, multiplicity and justice can be accommodated. Second, I extend beyond the specific context of Northern Ireland to evaluate the ability of feminist theories of deliberative democracy to facilitate dialogue across difference. I examine the importance of normative notions of deliberation, communication, narrative and competing needs. Third, I extrapolate from these theories the idea that the dynamic between listening and speaking creates a space to include diversity and commonality.